someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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