I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
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