the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
