My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
