I think I died a long time ago.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Randomize
