Will you blow on my dice?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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