Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
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