i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
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