how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
