dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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