I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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