dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
