so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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