I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
