Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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