I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I pour the whiskey from now on
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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