some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
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