I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
