cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
Randomize
