I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Randomize
