trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
barbara walters just said penis...
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
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