Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Randomize
