Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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