is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
My apartment stinks of burning failure
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
