What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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