You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
