I have demons in me.
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
