Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
