im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
