How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
Randomize
