It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
