im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
