You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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