I want to stick my p in your. b.
Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Randomize
