some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
