I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
