Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Randomize
