my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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