I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
