just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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