hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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