He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
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