Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
