When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
He ate me out for my sailor moon manga and I gave him a blowjob for his Devilman manga. Pretty sweet deal imo
Randomize
