Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
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