So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
