A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
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