the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
