Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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