idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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