I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
