That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
