just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
wakey wakey hands off snakey
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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