Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I intend to get homeless drunk
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
