did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
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