Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
