Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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