He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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