Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
