It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
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