went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Only a mothe r could love this liver
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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