Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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