Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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