I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
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