Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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