and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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