also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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