I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
