It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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