the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
